Monday, March 21, 2011

How to win Friends and Influence the People

"How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is one of the first best-selling self-help books. It was published in 1936 and has sold more than 15 million copies. It is used as a resource for managers to get subordinates to cheerfully carry out their duties, and to give criticism without upsetting people. The advice is divided into chapters, but focuses on three fundamental tenets throughout the work.

  1. Fundamentals of Handling People

    • Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Arouse in the other person an eager desire to be helpful.

    Six Ways to Make People Like You

    • 1. Be genuinely interested in other people--remember birthday sand other important dates. 2. Smile, especially on the phone. 3. Use names as often as possible; people love hearing the sound of their own names. 4. Be a good listener. Encourage the other person to talk about herself. 5. Talk about what interests the other person. 6. Make the other person feel important.

    12 Ways to Get People to Agree With You

    • 1. Avoid arguments; even if you win, you lose. 2. Never tell the other person, "you're wrong." 3. When you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically, before anyone else can point it out. 4. Begin discussions in a friendly way. 5. Start with questions the other person will answer "yes" to, to build a momentum of agreement. 6. Let the other person do the talking. 7. Let the other person feel the idea is hers; ask him a question instead of telling him the answer. 8. Try to see things from the other person's point of view. 9. Sympathize with her. Tell her, "I would do the same thing if I were in your circumstances." 10. Appeal to noble motive, such as a mother's love, integrity or character. 11. Dramatize your idea, letting the other person visualize it. 12. Throw down a challenge, such as a competition between workers or to improve on previous work.

    How to Change People Without Causing Resentment

    • Begin with praise; it's always easy to hear criticism after hearing good things. Call attention to your own faults first, then mention the other person's faults indirectly. Ask questions instead of assigning tasks: "Does it make sense to do it this way?" Let the other person save face; if possible, always give criticism in private. Give positive reinforcement by specifically praising every improvement. Give them a reputation to live up to: "I know you are very capable, but your current work isn't up to your previous standards." Make his faults seem easy to correct and make new tasks seem easy for him to learn. Make the other person happy to do what you are asking, and show him how he will personally benefit.

    Ask Them to Do You a Favor

    • When you want someone to do something for you, ask them to do you a favor, especially if they are of a lower corporate or social standing than you, and they will feel important and perform the job well.


"How to Win Friends & Influence People"; Dale Carnegie; 1936

  • Instructions
  • How to Win People Over as Friends
    • 1
      Listen to what the other person has to say and show interest. This is flattering and demonstrates warmth and empathy. Most people are not drawn to those whose only topic of conversation is themselves. Take the time to remember the name of the person you are introduced to, and better still find common ground with her, and remember some key things about her the next time you meet.
    • 2
      Refrain from criticizing people whenever possible. Though this may seem tempting, it may well rebound. People feel uneasy when someone they do not know well launches into criticism of a third party. Try not to be too dogmatic or controversial, though this does not mean that you have to be bland. Humor is often a wonderful common denominator. If you like someone's outfit, tell him so. Most people like compliments, provided they are sincere.
    • 3
      Follow up initial contacts. This is really easy nowadays, with mobile phones, texts, e-mails and social networking sites. Pace this carefully. You do not want to come across as overly intense or needy. Be warm and friendly and if you arrange to meet for coffee or a drink, show up on time as arranged. Put some effort into the friendship. Friendships will usually richly repay you if you nurture them.
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